"You disdain being perceived as cowardly, but you admit that you were, by definition, a coward because you didn't want to confront agony and pain (eternal condemnation) or intimidation (by your church). "

Cowardice has an overt association of a moral failing. I think a better term would be "conditioning". No one scorns the elephant tied to a plastic chair, unable to walk away because it was trained at an early age that escape was futile.

When you are raised in utter powerlessness, with even questions treated as rebellion, and God presented as an Angry Old Dude ready to Smite YOU, it's not about cowardice.

If you knew me, you would never say that.

But you are right about my ex.