I’m Terrified to be Happy

Negativity and I are pretty tight.

Negativity has shadowed me for years, reminding me that there’s always another shoe to drop.

My father, who died a year ago, showed me the ways of Negativity.

I learned it well.

And many times, its somber prophecies have come true.

See, it says, shaking its drooping, spectral head at me, if I hadn’t prepared you for the worst, you would have been taken by surprise.

If you didn’t spend so much time with me, would those bright spots have been so awesome? You’re welcome.

When you’re riding in an airplane through dark clouds, which is true: the clouds are the truth and the clear sky up high is a mirage, or is the clear sky above the truth?

Pilots know that there’s always a clear sky, if you go high enough.

I thought if I could just find someone, have my own happy ending with an engagement and a wedding and kids, I’d be set for life.

Dumb.

The engagement was awkward and at times abusive; the wedding did not feel the way I thought it would, the honeymoon was kind of horrible, and the marriage was a disaster and a fraud.